First real/decent post.

Have you ever stayed up? And then you realise that you're remembering the past? In the sense that, you find yourself smiling or on the brink of tears? Something like that. I feel that memories play and still play a big role in my life. I remember the past and all the happiness and sorrow just flow back to me. Its that fine line between reality, insanity and disillusions. I don't remember how long, but for long periods of time, I can simply linger there and relive everything thats happened. Joy, happiness, pain, sorrow and anger. It's all there. Probably more. Love. Warmth. Depression. Heartbreak.

Which brings me to my topic for this post.

Heartbreak.

As humans, when we don't want to worry someone, we tend to HIDE things. But due to this habit, we stop becoming ourselves and become someone different. The psychological change is so drastic, the people who are involved in our everyday lives notice that we aren't ourselves. The person who's hiding something that relates to an emotion becomes more erratic. The person may show signs of change such as sudden withdrawal from the society, introvertism, or simply shaking/shrugging things off with a smile or the like. However, only the person who has something to hide doesn't notice these changes.

And usually, a person changes completely and drastically when he/she is hiding the feeling of Heartbreak.

When we feel heartbreak, it's different for everyone. The feeling of your heart shattering, breaking into itty bitty pieces, the feeling of someone who just slit your throat open. Etcetra etcetra. You get my point. But it's because of this feeling, we get this immense and near unsurpressable amounts of sadness and for some people, there's also that possibility of anger. For most, we just cry it out for a period of time. Start to hate the person and then, we move on. But for people like me. we'd rather not worry others and just choke and bottle everything inside. As much as it's a bad habit, we'd rather have an all out battle on our own psychological plane and fight it out till the end rather than let others know about the pain we feel.

I really couldn't care less about what others think about how I should tell them if something isn't right. When you're me, almost everything doesn't go your way. It's no different from receiving a Burn Notice. You're stuck where ever God leaves you in, you do whatever comes your way, and get help from people who are still talking to you, be it a half psychotic friend, a godparent who's missing half of the time or family. If you're desperate. Point being that the surrounding conditions are shitty and so pathetic, yet I'm able to just keep moving forward and turn back at the past without stumbling.

We're all different. So the way we deal with pain is different. However, the path we tread is all connected in the end. All paths lead to the same end. The path we call life. And it through this path that we become stronger. More mature. Smarter. And possibly, we learn what we truly want in life.

그것은 사랑이 아니에요. 하지만 용기와 사랑에 중요한.